I have so many questions in my head right now. Why isn't he still in love with me? Why is he doing this to me? How did it come to this? What did I do wrong? How will I live without him? Will I ever fully recouperate? Will I find true love again? Who would want me? Can I do this on my own? WHY? WHY? WHY?
I am at the point that I know that it is over. I have no power to change how he feels. I feel so lonely and alone. I find it hard to look at him, smile, or laugh. I have very little power over when and where I break down. I don't want to be in the house we built together into a home. It is now only a building, vacant of meaning.
The only thing I look forward to right now is moving into my apartment. It will mean I won't have to spend so much time with him and I can create some space so I can heal. It is going to be difficult to start over. I thought he was my soulmate. The man I would spend the rest of my life with. My dream is over and I will have to find a new reality for myself. My boy will now have two homes and I know he will be confused. I never wanted this to happen to us. I never wanted to raise my son in this way. A divorced single mom in her fourties. Great! Perfect! Who will want me? I come with baggage. I am more serious than I should be. I can't lighten up. I need some time to change my perspective on life, learn to enjoy life, and work on my health. My self esteem needs a lot of work. I need a lot of work. I deserve to be happy.
-Melinda
Melinda, I am so, so sorry! I know this is not what you wanted. I just don't understand Keith. I just don't understand how you can give up on your marriage when things appeared to be good really. The grass is NOT greener on the other side and looking forward to "time alone" turns to down right loneliness eventually.
ReplyDeleteYou absolutely deserve to be happy! You ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON! Sure you have baggage...we all do. But you deserve to be loved and I have no doubt you will eventually find some wonderful man that would be lucky to have you.
We will all just continue to pray that you and Keith can work this out. I know with Keiths parents divorcing he thinks it probably isnt the end of the world.(which it isn't) BUT, I also can't imagine that that is what he REALLY wants for Logan.
But Melinda whatever happens you will make it through this. You have been through so much and you have been so strong. There will be better days ahead....
We love you and even if you aren't "officially" a member of our family you will always be considered a member of our family as far as we are concerned. If you need ANYTHING or just to talk please give me a call or text....731-697-1867 Also mom says to tell you hello and that they love you too and that she is a phone call away too. her # is 731-336-6796.
Love ya!
Kendra