I am counting the days until I move into my new apartment. I am feeling not only overwhelming loss, but an unusual sense of renewal. How can I feel such opposing feeling at the same time. I don't really know. I have been having many "last experiences." My last Sunday breakfast. My last weekend in my lovely house. My last chance at any sense of togetherness with my husband and son. It makes me so sad to think that my marriage is coming to an end.
Soon I will be experiencing many firsts. My first night alone in my apartment (no doubt many tears will be shed.) My first meal cooked just for me and my son. My first night alone when Logan goes to visit his father. My first grocery trip where I don't have to ask myself "what's Keith hungry for?" I have lived so many years thinking of my "two favorite guys" as I always call them. Now it will only be me and my boy. I don't know what to think or how to act. My life is being reinvented and I'm not sure I like it very much. Reinvented into what? That remains to be seen.
