So many questions

I have so many questions in my head right now.  Why isn't he still in love with me?  Why is he doing this to me?  How did it come to this?  What did I do wrong?  How will I live without him?  Will I ever fully recouperate?  Will I find true love again?  Who would want me?  Can I do this on my own?  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?

I am at the point that I know that it is over.  I have no power to change how he feels.  I feel so lonely and alone. I find it hard to look at him, smile, or laugh.  I have very little power over when and where I break down.  I don't want to be in the house we built together into a home.  It is now only a building, vacant of meaning.

The only thing I look forward to right now is moving into my apartment.  It will mean I won't have to spend so much time with him and I can create some space so I can heal.  It is going to be difficult to start over.  I thought he was my soulmate.  The man I would spend the rest of my life with.  My dream is over and I will have to find a new reality for myself.  My boy will now have two homes and I know he will be confused.  I never wanted this to happen to us.  I never wanted to raise my son in this way.  A divorced single mom in her fourties.  Great!    Perfect!  Who will want me?  I come with baggage.  I am more serious than I should be.  I can't lighten up.  I need some time to change my perspective on life, learn to enjoy life, and work on my health.  My self esteem needs a lot of work.  I need a lot of work.  I deserve to be happy. 

-Melinda

New Beginnings

My life is changing.  My head is spinning from the speed at which that change is happening.  I am fourty, almost fourty one years old and I am starting over.  My husband wants to start over, I'll never know exactly why, but he wants a change, a new beginning for himself.  My long, beautiful marriage will be coming to an end in a few months, after we deal with the house and the lawyer and all that.  Then I have to pick myself up, clean myself off, and start a new life.  How am I going to do that?  At this point I can't go a day without crying my eyes out.  I don't know how to start over.  We have been together almost 15 years.  By far the best years of my sorry excuse for a life.  The loss I am feeling right now is overwhelming.  How do I do this? 

Digital Scrapbooking

I just added a slide show feature for my digital scrap booking pages I have made. I am using Memory Mixer and I am still learning so be patient. Enjoy.